November 29th post**

**My dad recently moved, so his wifi isn’t set up yet.  I wrote my posts on my laptop (of course I brought it!), and can post them now that I am home.  Here is the first, from November 29th…

Happy post Thanksgiving to you all! I trust everyone has gotten their fill of turkey (or ham, as preferred) and many, many leftover meals…sandwiches, soups, stews, omlettes…the list goes on and on of what you can do with those leftovers! Love the holidays and all their delectable offerings!

I am in LA, visiting my dad for the holiday weekend. The kids are with the ex-men for Thanksgiving as I get Christmas this year. Besides the food, Thanksgiving has never really held a special place in my heart, not the way Christmas does, so this scenario is just fine with me.

Upon landing at LAX, my dad and I headed over to a local authentic English pub in Santa Monica…just off the 3^rd Street Promenade for those of you in the know…The Kings Head. Great food. Great atmosphere. I so miss those steak and kidney pies and ploughman’s plates when I’m gone. (Seriously, don’t knock it till you try it!!) Growing up in England as I did, I had plenty of that stuff, but nowadays the only time I get it is when I visit out here. Plus we had a nice shandy with lunch (half beer or lager, half 7-up..again, try it before you turn your nose up). We headed off to meet my dad’s photographer friend for a chat and a cigar. Both very nice. He gave me some pointers on my picture taking and on the business itself and tried to convince my dad to buy me a Mac as an essential piece of my creative processing…we shall see how that goes. Christmas is coming, but I won’t hold my breath on that one. For dinner, we went to the other cigar shop and I had my first Kobe Beef hamburger. Holy shit, was that delicious!! And of course, another great cigar. We chilled out for a bit in the comfy leather chairs, chatting and such, before heading home.

Thanksgiving day was a strange one. He and my step mother kind of pushed me out of the kitchen early on, so I let them have the cooking duties and settled on watching the Lions lose terribly (sorry Mr. W) and the Cowboys win wonderfully (GO Cowboys!!), while getting sucked into World of Warcraft. Yes, I played it, and liked it. I can see how people get sucked in. Thankfully there is a $15 a month subscription fee to play, so that will keep me off. Dinner was good…at least the food part. We ate kind of informally, and everyone went their separate ways. Very strange for my family. Step-mom went upstairs for the rest of the night, while Dad and I vegged out on the couch. Very strange, indeed.

Friday was more chilling out. Some of Dad’s friends came over at 6pm and we played poker into the wee hours of the morning. I actually was up $45 by the time we quit at 130am, so that was nice. No step-mom as she was working. A good evening.

And today, Saturday, we started our day out with Dim Sum in Chinatown, then some browsing in the local shopping market areas. Lots of crap for not much money. I picked up a pair of faux crocs for Mr. W (shower shoes for Iraq) and a couple things for the four kids (his and mine). Nothing special. The weather is beautiful, finally. Sun. 75 degree weather. Nice. I do so miss California! I am hoping my dad will agree to head out to the beach down in Venice or Santa Monica for some prime picture taking this evening after Step-mom goes to work. We shall see…depends on his mood I suppose.

So for some background on the strangeness that is their relationship, and ultimately effecting my relationship with my father…they have been separated for almost two years now. Yeah, that’s right, two years. Older as I am, and having gone through two marriages, one being pretty rough and unhappy as my partner (STBX) was a not very nice, very selfish man, I can’t help but understand my dad’s position. I always say, you can’t help who you love. She is selfish (don’t really get how as she comes from a poor family of 14 children where the father died very young), and stubborn. She felt the need to cry to me the other morning about the whole thing, insisting it is all my dad’s fault they don’t get along, and she is too old to be unhappy, and she is going to give it another year but ultimately probably look for a divorce…blah, blah, blah. I listened, but held my tongue. I know how she is. I see it whenever I visit. I even lived with them for a short year before joining the military. Yes, my dad may have his faults (we all do) but she is a piece of work. Just for an instance…when #1 was trying really hard (and looked like he was going to be successful) to take the boy from me, when I was scared and broke and had no where else to turn for help, I asked my parents to help me, money being the main assistance in this of course for lawyers fees. She threw a fit (par for the course) and was pissed about my dad giving me $1500. This is the same woman who has several $1500 purses sitting, rarely used, in her closet, next to all the shoes, clothes, jewelry, etc, etc my dad has bought her over the years. WTF? My dad makes good money. She works at Wal-Mart. Yet he has to hide that he buys me plane tickets to visit him, that he bought me the best possession I own, my D-40, that he does anything for me, his only daughter, the only daughter he will every have. I say again…WTF?!

So, I would be really happy if my dad could manage to separate himself from her. It think it’s a terrible position for him to be in. I think he would be much happier without her. I think he could do so much better, or at least as his friend once told him, “If you are going to pay for it, it might as well be tall, blond and 22!” But, I digress. You can’t help who you love. It takes time. I of all people know that. It’s hard to move on, and age, kids, whatever, make it that much harder. It’s hard to let go of such a big chunk of your life. It’s hard not to hope things will change, even if, deep down, you know they won’t. I will hope for him. Not that things will change, but that he can finally let go. We shall see, I suppose.

That is my visit so far. More to come, as I have two more days here before heading back to the cold, daily grind.

Anatomy lesson: 2

A couple weeks back I had an uncomfortable conversation with the girl about boobs.  Today, a few hours after dropping her off to her dad’s, he calls me, inquiring, “What is up with our daughter?”  Huh?  I asked him to explain, and explain he did.

Apparently, he was watching football with his new girlfriend (the 23 year old, big busted one) and my little princess was sitting on her lap, when she began rubbing the gf’s boobs, inquiring “what are these?”  I had filled the STBX in on the conversation earlier in the week, so initially he thought nothing of it, but still asked if she had ever done that to me.  I told him she has poked at them, and maybe rested her hand there.  “No,” he said firmly.  “Like I rub a boob?”  “Oh, no,” I responded.  “That’s weird.”  Apparently he told the girl that those are the gf’s private areas, and she shouldn’t touch them, and no one should touch hers.  Then, my little curious princess points to the gf’s crotch asking “what’s that.”  STBX said he told her it was her leg, to which she responded, “No, that?? ” and pointed up the gf’s skirt.  At this point I was laughing my ass off.  I pointed out jokingly to the STBX that maybe he shouldn’t fondle his girlfriend in front of our daughter.  Regardless, neither of us are sure where she is getting this from.  (Of course, he did explain to her, again, that that area is another private area and no one else should touch the gf or our daughter there either.)

Upon further conversation, I found out my little princess is also a thief.  They (STBX and gf) had taken her to Claire’s at the mall to get some throw away jewelry to play with.  Princess was holding a shopping bag, at her own insistence.  When they left, she asked for her bear.  STBX reminded her that they didn’t buy a bear, so she dug in the bag to prove him wrong, and lo and behold…a bear.  He asked the gf if she bought it for her.  Gf said no.  Wha-la…princess is a thief.

On another occasion, princess took it upon herself to give a stuffed toy to a baby in a stroller, again at a store…a stuffed toy from the shelf…not paid for.  When STBX tried to put it back, the baby wailed and the mother gave him the look of death.  (Laughing my ass off again at this point in the story.)

Added bonus, my STBX is a cop and seriously homophobic.  So now I get to give him grief about making our daughter a criminal who likes girls.  HA!

Dirty, filthy, and can’t get enough

Money, money, money.  It all comes down to money.  I recently mentioned my affections (and weakness) for shopping, particularly Internet shopping, and all the things I want/need to purchase in the near future.  Problem is, the money just doesn’t seem to want to stay in my account.  I have behaved.  I’ve managed to “x” out the virtual shopping carts once full, and I have stayed away from actual shopping.  (Ok, I went to Steve and Barry’s yesterday, but to be fair, the kids needed some winter clothes…damn weeds!  I swear, a pair of jeans will fit the boy one day, and the next morning be two inches too short!)  But a quick check of my account this morning shows that that fuel light that came on this morning in the car may have to stay that way until next pay-day…two weeks from now. 

See, I get a subsidiary for my college from the MGI bill (ex-military tuition for college).  I also have student loans, so that $1000+ each month just slips into my account for books, and then whatever else I need in life.  Since I dropped my last class due to moving, and kids, and Mr. W’s impending departure, I didn’t get my last two checks and I’m hurting from it.  Things will get better (the story of my life) soon, eventually, someday, but for now, today, at this moment, I’m seriously struggling.  Part from the $2000 extra I don’t have, part from the extra month of rent to close out on my apartment that I wasn’t counting on, part from the extra bills for utilities in two houses, part from just not keeping as close an eye on things as I probably should have.  Honestly, I thought I would be ok, but I should know by now, the little things add up to kick you square in the ass when you’re not looking. 

So, I’m calling my mom, for the last time I hope and pray, for money.  She has been giving me $500 a month for the last year (My mom is the absolute greatest) to subsidize my income post split from the STBX (any day now, really…just waiting on the courts).  I promised this move with Mr. W would end the need, as I will be back in a two-income situation, but looks like I will need yet another boost.  Sucks.  I love that my parents are so giving and supportive, and after years of each of them struggling with money, while together and separately, they are both at a financial place that is comfortable and they are able to help me freely.  But I hate asking.  I hate needing.  I hate depending.  I don’t just hate it, I loathe it!  I feel like a child, a failure, irresponsible, needy, worthless…the list goes on and on.  *sigh*

So gas has to wait.  Groceries have to wait (there is food in the house.  I always keep stocked on frozen meat and veggies, and box meals for times like these, plus I’m really good at stretching that ramen and mac-and-cheese).  Shopping has to wait.  Excursions with the kids have to wait.  Everything has to wait.  This will be a long two weeks, I can feel it already.  *sigh* not like I haven’t been here before, many times, but again…*sigh*.

Shopping on the internet…what will they come up with next??

I’ve discovered my weakness…shopping.  I just can’t help it.  I found internet shopping while I was deployed a few years back, and it has opened up a whole new world for me…shopping at work, shopping at home, shopping non-stop.  It’s horrible.  Shopping hits an all-time high for me when I am bummed, so I’ve been browsing even more than normal now, finding all the things I need want at my fingertips and in my virtual shopping cart.  It takes all the strength I have to hit the little “x” at the top of the screen to close before purchasing whatever it is that I feel I just can’t live without at that moment.

What am I looking at now? 

Colin Stewart boots.  They are so damn tempting!  And at $149, just the right price.  The only problem is I want them in all three colors!

Ugg boots.  The warm, fur lined, but not totally hideous ones that look like bedroom slippers gone rogue.

 

Skinny jeans.  Like I really need more jeans…but what would I wear with my Ugg boots??

Shoes, and boots, and sandles…oh my!  Because, really…do you need an excuse for more? 

 

A vanity.  It’s something I actually will get sometime in the near future.  We (Mr. W and I) have a very small master bath and with all my never-used-but-must-be-kept-just-in-case bathroom products and beauty supplies, there just isn’t enough storage space!

Home improvement stuff.  There is painting that needs to be done.  Shelving to be put up.  Storage that needs to be figured out.  Pruning for the fall and planting in the spring.  Decorating for two adults, plus a 15, a 13, a 5, and a 3 year old.  Plus the countless little things that will no doubt come up over the next year. 

Home gym equipment.  With the boy being full time, there won’t be an opportunity for my two week morning workouts anymore.  I don’t really want Mr. W to come home to the chubby and lethargic lady I will become if I don’t keep up on my exercise.  My only thought to remedy is to force myself to workout at home.  I figure if I spend a little money on some sort of equipment, that might help inspire me to get off my butt and do something, maybe, possibly…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And with Christmas looming on the horizon, and quite a few more additions to my list of “to buy fors,” I’m beginning my search for gifts.  Christmas is by far my favorite holiday time of year.  I get all geeky and giddy all month long and I refuse to let anything or anyone get me down (minus the year STBX and I actually separated on Christmas ever…long story).  I’m one of those who refuses to buy the “useful” gift, and most likely I will only buy what is asked for as a last resort.  I figure, if you are important enough for me to want to give a gift at Christmas, you are important enough for me to put some thought into it and get you something great.  So the search begins…

 

Yes, shopping is my weakness.  2 online purchases today.  After work, groceries from Wal-Mart, which will inevidibly end in other-than-grocery items in my cart, then Michael’s, possibly Target, and then…who knows.  I don’t know if my bank account can survive a year of this!

Meet the Ws

It’s been a few days-ish, so I s’pose it’s time for a recap…

Mr. W took me “home” with him, meaning I met the family.  It was a 10 hour drive, that turned into 12 1/2 since I have the bladder of a mouse who has drank waaay too much.  His brother hooked us up with a nice hotel room, complete with whirlpool tub.  (yea!)  I met the mom, the older brother, the younger brother, the neice and nephew, the cousin, and the aunt within an hour of arriving in town.  Everyone was very nice, and dispite my nervousness, I managed to put on a smiley face and speak.  (I have always suffered from shyness around new people, especially mom-type people, especially mom-type people who are mom-types to the one I’m dating, moving in with, in love with, want to be with for_ _ _ _.  That’s normal, right?)  I think I made a decent impression. 

The evening put Mr. W and I back at the hotel room early-ish, and in the whirlpool.  Nice, relaxing, just what was needed after the long drive.  The next morning put me with a UTI.  I was already fighting a cold on the way up, and then a UTI…nice.  Luckily, my pharmacy-of-a-purse had some of those UTI pain pills, so I popped a couple and drank a gallon of cranberry, hoping to do a simple flush.  Not so lucky.  By 4pm, I was clammy and in excrutiating pain.  Thankfully, my doctor back home is fantastic and was willing to fax in a Rx without actually seeing me, so now I’m on some heavy duty antibiotics.  (can we say digestive issues!)  But at least the pain is gone. 

The rest of the trip was great!  We walked around Detroit for a bit.  We met the dad for breakfast one morning, then dinner and some pool another night.  We had dinner with Mr. W’s best friend, and my new bloggy friend, thegirlfromtheghetto herself.  (yea! Again, nice to meet you, in person, finally!) You all should defiantely check out her blog and all its fabulousness!  We shopped with the niece and nephew, and then again on our own.  Picked up some souveniers for my dad, Mr. W’s kids, and of course a couple things for us…Starbucks cup for our collection (we have: Detroit, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Boston, and Washington DC)  And then there are the Oakleys.  Got my first pair, Flack Jackets, polorized lenses…thank you Mr. W…and I can’t belive I have ever worn anything else in my life!  They are so comfortable, and not crooked.  Yes, I suffer from the one ear severly higher than the other ear thing, so all glasses sit funny and require constant adjustment…but not Oakleys!!

The ride back was long, boring, and uneventful.  Another 12 hours, thanks to my mousey-bladder.  Of course, the cold has now mutated into something straight out of hell…

I got up yesterday morning with full intention of returning to work, but upon waking up, Mr. W went into spaz mode, freaking out about the mess in the house.  I’m sure it had something to do with him starting his new job yesterday, but still…  So I said I would call in and get the house up to par.  He left in a huff, I showered, ate breakfast, and, dispite the two cups of coffee, felt the overwhelming need to take a nap.  So back to bed I went, until 1030.  I got up and got to cleaning up the house, ate lunch, and grew a migraine.  So I went to the basement with another cup-o-joe and some pills to lay down in the cool darkness, intending to stay just long enough for the pills and caffeine to kick in.  Another nap.  2pm I woke up, feeling much better, so I continued with the cleaning.  Mr. W got home around 430, with his kids for dinner, and the evening went smoothly. 

I took Thera-flu last night before bed, and woke up around 1230 ready for another dose.  This morning was ok…I made it into work, but now I’m feeling rather tight in the chest again, sleepy, and a little nauseated, seriously contemplating going home.  I think I just might…