Pushing Boundaries

Every couple months or so, my kids decide they want to push their limits.  Not physically, but thier  Mommy-imposed limits.  Thankfully they tend to be on a different schedule so I am not faced with two little monsters at the same time, although there have been particularly rough patches when their push time has overlapped.  I’m guessing the girl’s time was when my parents were visiting and she was going through a “No!/I don’t want to” phase.  Now it’s the boy’s turn.

Granted, he’s been a little under the weather since returning Saturday from his dad’s (par for the course) so he’s been medicated most nights just so he can breathe well enough to sleep.  Thanks to the benadryl, he is getting sleep, but it also makes him very tired in the morning.  (Of course it probably doesn’t help that his dad also lets him stay up to whatever time he wants with the hope that he will sleep in the  next day…nothing like taking the needs of your kids above your own!) 

Anyway, the boy has been cranky, whiny, defiant, and argumentative, and it’s driving me nuts.  Add to it that my PMSing (read: insomnia, lack of concentration, achy body, and general all-around crankiness) and today marks day three of not smoking, and that makes for an all around unpleasant mood in my house.  *sigh* This too shall pass…right?

I get that kids push their boundaries, but when half the time they don’t have any boundaries whatsoever, they push that much harder when suddenly some are imposed.  This is making life as a co-parent/single mommy very difficult.  I have friends who mourn the fact that their kids’ other parent is not involved at all, but I have a hard time sympathising when I go through this tug-of-war constantly.  I feel bad about bitching that my ex-men and their families (yeah…they live with their parents, still, after 6 and 2 years, respectively…I have great taste in boys men!) are so overly involved in my kids’ lives, but really, when all you want is to be able to work together to make a child’s already broken life more stable and you find yourself butting heads with not just the other parent, but the other parent’s parents, it gets very frustrating.  I could suffer through it all, money, stress, balancing everything on my own, if they would just step the hell off!  But they won’t, so I find kids and myself the victim of their whims and bad judgement time and time again. *sigh*sigh*

A bright spot: the boy rarely goes through this pushing thing for more than a couple days, so by the time the girl comes back home this weekend, he should be back to being his normal princely self.  Hopefully the girl has got it out of her system for the month and we will have peace over the next couple weeks…hopefully.

School is a Hit!

His day did get exponentially better!  Yea!  In a little over two hours of his first day of school, the boy had so much to tell me, all with a perma-grin.  I’m so happy it got better!  HUGE sigh of relief here.

As the class walked to the front hall where the bus driver and a scattering of parents were waiting, I looked on anxiously to read the face of my little one, completely distraught with the thought that I would see and unhappy face, or even worse, evidence of crying.  My fears couldn’t be further from the reality.  He walked out, proud, with the rest of the class, holding hands with a little girl.  I didn’t really pay attention to her, as most of the kids seemed to have a “buddy system” thing going on for walking through the halls.  She went to her dad, and the boy came up to me.  He waved bye to his teacher, and after a quick introduction to his bus driver, he drug me outside to the car.  Once away from any possibly prying ears, he dropped the bomb…

The boy:  “Mommy, did you see that girl who was holding my hand?”

Me: “Yes, I saw her.”

The boy:  “She’s beautiful!”

Me: “Yes, she is very pretty.  What is her name?”

The boy: (puzzled) “I already told you.”

Me: “You did?  What is it?”

The boy:(very matter-of-factly) “BEAU-TI-FUL!”

Me: (after picking my jaw up from the parking lot) “Oh…”

Thankfully he was happy to prattle on past Ms. Beautiful to the books and the teacher and all the other things they did until we arrived at the sitter’s house.  He ran in and began on her about his day, throwing me a quick kiss before he went about his merry way. 

My little boy is growing up…and already has a girlfriend??!!  *sigh*

At least his first day went well.  I was a little more worried than I originally thought.  Now I’m contemplating what kind of school-age mom I will turn out to be…and what kind of school-age kid he will be.  Will he be a trouble maker?  Will he be picked on?  Will I be in parent-teacher conferences constantly?  Will I be a member of the PTA?  Can I imagine myself as a PTA mom?  Will I help him with his homework (yes, even in Pre-K…on his first day…he has homework)?  Will he help me with mine one day?  Will he get straight A’s?  Will he struggle?  Will he need speech therapy?  Will he be smart, but lazy, as I was?  Will he push himself?  Will he be happy with mediocrity?  So many worries/concerns/questions/what-ifs…and it’s only his first day!  What ever am I going to do when the girl starts school too? 

The hardest part of all of this is not being directly involved in his everyday life.  I have always had a hard time with not knowing, I mean really knowing what was going on at his dad’s house; what he is doing, how he reacts to things, what is going on around him, etc, etc.  Now, there is another venue for the hole in my sight.  I always made a point to go early and stay a few minutes late at daycare, just to have time to observe him there, just so I could pretend I knew what was going on throughout the day while I’m at work.  It’s amazing how far I can stretch a few minutes a day and pretend it’s always that way!  I can’t so much do that now…and especially as he gets older.  (I can imagine the “oh Mmmoooommm“s now!)  *sigh*  Why do they have to grow up so fast?

Hello, 2009, Nice To Meet You

Welcome to 2009!  This is a post that should have been put out yesterday, but since I was in the fetal position for most of the day having partied just a little too rambunctiously on New Year’s Eve, it had to wait.  I’m still not 100%, but I’m feeling 1 million times improved from yesterday.  Let’s just say I’m glad my neighbors slept in so as not to witness my full-force vomiting in my front yard while trying to stumble home.  (Thanks, Y, for helping a sister out!)

2008 has come and gone and between bouts of puking, chills, and sleep, I had plenty of time to think on the year and all that happened.  My year seemed stressful, and extra long, but in looking back, it really wasn’t that bad.  My relationship with Mr. W blossomed into the all-fulfilling splendor it is today.  Not without it’s hiccups and break-ups of course, but a little bit of heartbreak is good for a couple.  It makes you value what you have.  Knowing the pain of loss without actually losing just makes you want to hold on tighter in the end.

I worked things out with the ex-men, and have my son full time now, and my daughter…well, still working on that.  At least we aren’t fighting anymore.  That’s one thing.  Oh, and January 16th…the STBX will officially be X#2!!  Woo-freaking-hoo!!  17 long ass months…but it will finally be legally over!

Work is work is work.  I made new friends, and enemies, and found out who I can trust and can’t.  I got more responsibility which will hopefully lead to more pay in the near future.  But in the end, work is work is work.

2009 will be long and lonely with Mr. W away until September.  I do get to see him twice, for two weeks each on our fabulous family vacations…but home just isn’t home without him there.  I intend to get organized, stay busy (but not too busy), finish my degree and start on  my masters, take lots of pictures and maybe even sell a few, eat better, feed my family with love, and just be happier all around, for myself and for my loved ones.  After all, everyone knows if Mom’s not happy, no one is happy! 

So, funk-be-gone and let a very happy new year commence!

Resolutions…I’ve got them!

I’ve been staring at this blank “add new post”  page for a week, having nothing really to say.  Or maybe it’s just that I’ve had so much going on that I couldn’t nail it down to one subject…or even wrap my head around my thoughts enough to differentiate among them.  Either way, I’ve been neglecting my blog and in turn, my outlet for all this funk.  NO MORE!!

So…

• Parents left after a loooong two-week visit for the holidays…whew
• I have mice in my house.  Not one or two, but probably hundreds at this point.  I did call an exterminator who put out poison boxes (yes, I realize this is rather inhumane of me, but you are just going to have to deal with it because mice in my house, in my food, in my freaking bed is so not cool on so many levels!), but they are still there, I just know it.
• I am dog sitting, three small dogs, for a week.  Of course this has allowed me to confirm that I am in fact allergic to dogs!  Swollen, itchy eyes, tightness in the chest, scratchy throat…oh yeah, totally allergic…4 more days to go…
• The boy is starting school on the 5th.  Pre-k, but still school.  It’s a big and wonderful step, for him, for his dad, for me.  But, this single-mom thing is killing me as I am doing all the work in this effort and thereby shouldering all the stress.  Immunizations, physicals, registration, daycare, buses, school clothes that actualfit my weed-like child, visitation schedule that coincides with the school vacation/days off schedule…on and on and on.  I am so not digging this whole single mom, singular responsibility bit. 
• Bills.  Christmas has come and gone, but the damage to my bank account lingers on.  Damn me and all my generosity!
• Mr. W is going through a rough patch.  I know he is a grown man and can take care of himself, but I just can’t help but to worry!  That’s what I do with the ones I love, I worry when they aren’t happy.  Good or bad, it’s just my way. 
• Insomnia.  3 nights and counting.  I even took benadryl Sunday night (for the allergic-to-dogs thing) but still no sleep.  ARGH!
• My teeth hurt, for pretty much no reason at all.  The dentist even said so.  (ok, this “stress” is pretty weak…but seriously, they hurt!)

None of these things in and of themselves are much to scream about, but I have caught the post-holiday funk and it just amplifies everything.  As I read around the other blogs I peruse from time to time, I’ve noticed that this funk is running rampant among quite a few of us.  Is it normal?  Is it catching?  I’ve never really suffered from post-holiday funk before (not to be confused with post-holiday crud…which I also am dealing with…but that is probably because when I’m in a funk, I eat crap, and lots of it to compensate…but I digress), then again, normally I am ecstatic all throughout the holidays, so it’s all kind of new to me this year.  Is this an omen to the disposition of 2009?  If it is, I’d rather stay in ‘08.

In an attempt to look forward with hopes for the new year, and aspirations for myself, I’m going to do something very different this year: Resolve.  Yes, I am going to make New Year’s Resolutions.  I never have before, and as cliche as it probably is at this point, I’m going to list them here for all of you…you might want to get some coffee because these are probably pretty stale:

• quit smoking
• exercise in some way, shape, or form
• stop drinking soda (except for my daily 130pm Redbull)
• eat soup or a single sandwich for lunch every day
• take more pictures
• post more pictures
• spend less money
• hire a maid*, if only to facilitate all of the above, and
• cook dinner for the kids every night
• blog at least 5 times a week (my life isn’t that interesting, after all)

I know, cliche and boring, but it’s my first time…be gentle. 

*I realize the hiring of a maid goes against the spending less money, but bear with me on this one.  A maid means less time spent cleaning, which means more time.  Time to cook, time to exercise, time to spend with the kids, time to take and post pictures, just time.  I feel there is a serious shortage of time in my days, so anything I can do to get more has to be a step in the right direction.

Happy Birthday to the Boy!

My little boy is five years old today!  How the time flies when you’re stressing divorcing worrying divorcing again fighting having fun!  Pretty soon he’ll be starting school, getting in trouble, discovering girls, drinking, driving, drinking and driving, hating mom, graduating high school, going to college, moving out, and starting a family of his own…whew!  Where did the time go?

In all seriousness, I’m happy for my little boy.  He’s getting older and wiser.  I called him this morning from work to wish him a happy birthday and he said thank you with such genuine appreciation and happiness, I could hear him smiling on the phone.  My baby isn’t a baby anymore.  It’s a little bitter sweet, I confess, but the sweetness way outweighs the bitter in this case. 

 I look forward to the years ahead.  The days of banging my head against a wall while trying to convince a toddler of something are coming to a close with the actual ability to reason on the horizon.  Oh, I know I’m not anywhere near the edge of the woods yet, but at least I can take comfort that the edge is there…somewhere…way up ahead…

So today is his day.  The boy was born a month early, just in time for Christmas.  It was a real shocker, but a very happy Christmas for me.  But I vowed never to let his birthday get caught up and hidden in the hustle and bustle of Christmas day.  I promised him at birth he would never get combined presents or go without a party to celebrate his day simply because Christmas was two days later.  True to my word, we are having a small gathering this evening.  My parents are here, of course.  But Mr. W’s kids, ex-wife (the first one…mother of the kids), and her husband will be joining us for dinner and cake.  Unfortunately my kids will be departing to their respective dads’ houses the day after Christmas, so the gift exchange with Mr. W’s kids will have to take place tonight as well.  This is not true to my word.  I’m feeling terribly guilty about the whole thing, but I can’t find another way.  We have a ton of presents for the older kids, and I know they have a few for mine.  Damn the ex-men, once again, for this horrible schedule.  Don’t get me wrong, I would never begrudge my kids or their dads the right and joy to spend holidays together…but really, the day after Christmas??  Makes me wonder if I will get the same consideration next year…not that I’d want to.  I would like my kids to have a day or two to recover from the festivities at one house, to really appreciate and play with all their new toys, before being shuffled off to the other house to do it all over again…but that’s just me.  But on the bright side, how many kids get two whole Christmas’s every year?