“Here’s a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.” – Tallulah Bankhead
Caffeine and nicotine.
I’m drinking my afternoon RedBull, having just smoked my last in my pack of cigarettes, contemplating whether I will buy another on my way home. I’m trying to quit, just not very actively. I even went and bought a herbal elixer from the local alterna-store and tried it…and guess what, it works…so I stopped taking it. I’m not sure what it is. I know better. I know it’s bad for me. I know it’s a bad influence type thing for my kids. I know my car stinks like something crawled under the seat and died about two months ago. I know my teeth aren’t as shiny white as they should be. I know I’m not enjoying food like I could and should. I know this lingering cold is a direct result of the smoking. I know smoking has something to do with my recent return of the migraines. I know I feel like crap at the end of the day and don’t even enjoy that first cigarette of the day like I used to. I know I should quit…but it makes me think of another quote:
“When you say I should, you are imposing someone else’s expectations on yourself” — D.
So she asked me if I am feeling like I want to quit smoking, or if other people are telling me I should quit smoking, and honestly, I don’t know. I know all the reasons, but do I really have a want to quit? It used to be easy. I was a casual smoker, and could start and stop on a dime…but I was taking anti-depressants then. Now…not so much. I’m actually addicted and I’m running pretty short on will power these days.
Things I should do:
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quit smoking
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organize my clutter
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throw a bunch of stuff away
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plan and prepare healthy, well-balanced meals for my family
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get up earlier
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get ahead in my school work
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work on my training project at work
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sweep up the (thousand) leaves in the back yard
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throw away the (million) leaves I’ve already bagged
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work on my surprise for Mr. W
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install, learn, and utilize my photo editing software
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install, learn, and utilize the wordpress software and apply to my own site
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work on my art project
Things I want to do:
Yeah, that’s how it is.
