Happy early Thanksgiving…here are my updates

I have been terrible about keeping up with my blog lately.  I suck!  I’m going to LA for Thanksgiving, so the terrible-ness will probably continue.  I have no excuse…I’m sorry! 

Well, to update:

The boy is doing much better.  I took him up to his dad’s on Sunday, but he got over the thing with the sitter last week, and was expressing, a lot, how much he missed Mr. W.  But he is happy with the sitter, once again, and was bragging to me about how good he has been.  I’m glad that passed.  At the suggestion of one of my readers (thank you Y!) I asked Mr. W to send the boy a letter or card addressed just for him.  Maybe that will help a little.  He is very anxious for Mr. W to come home.  I can’t quite get him to understand that Mr. W will be gone for a long time (really long in kid years) but will come back.  I don’t want him to forget, or worse, think he just left us, but at the same time I don’t want to stop talking about Mr. W and reassuring that he will be back.  I’m trying to find a balance that works for the boy…trying to find balance…story of my life!

Over the next three weeks or so, my intent/goal/plan is to get my other sites up and running.  By other sites, I mean my writebrite.net blog…yep, I’m going over to the dark side…sort of.  I want to install the wordpress.org software on my computer and stick with them, but I like the idea of having my own blog, you know, that I own…sorta, kinda.  I’ve been procrastinating on setting it up, although I did buy the address…so we shall see. 

Also, I will be working on my site for my new semi-business.  I have been hesitant to talk about it, as I was afraid it was too good to be true, but all has been confirmed so I think it is safe.  Just over a month ago I got a comment on my photo blog (click here) which has sent me in a whirlwind of wonderfulness!  Confession:  I have always dreamed of being a photographer.  I love to take pictures.  i actually walk around sometimes and see things in squares, like in the frame of a photo.  Weird, I know.  Anyway, it’s a dream, but it’s always been one of those ridiculous never ever in a million years going to happen dreams that you don’t even talk about because it’s so far fetched…until now.  So I got the comment, and of course immediately contacted her.  Long story short, she bought that picture, then contracted me to go up to Philly on 3 more trips to take more for her, paid trips mind you, very well paid trips, and she bought those pictures too!  All together I think I took somewhere around 700 photos for her…and enjoyed every freaking minute of it!  I could have done it for free!  Yeah, Philly was like 40 degrees for the most part, and yeah I got lost a lot, and yeah I walked about 10 miles in the city on each of the 3 trips, but it was great.  Walking around a beautiful city, taking pictures of its beauty…and oh yeah, getting paid to do it!!  Who could ask for anything more??!!  (Can you tell I’m excited??)  Apparently they are doing some promotional work-ups for the NJ Transit Authority and Septa joining in a way that allows you to use them both on the same fare.  My pictures will grace the website and train stations and other advertising materials.  Yea!!  I’m so very excited!  So I’m trying to put together a web site for my work in the hopes that others will want to hire me for their photographic needs.  We shall see!  I’ll keep you all posted and my fingers crossed!

And at work…oh wonderful work…(blah) I’ve been promoted…not exactly, nominated…um, no, tasked..there you go, tasked with the training program.  Silver lining; I’ve been busy.  Very busy actually.  That is part of the hit on my blogging time, and my homework time, which sucks.  But it also makes the day go faster, which makes the week go faster, which makes the months go faster, which brings Mr. W home sooner.  So it’s not so bad.  Now if only I could motivate the ones standing in my way of making some real progress on the training program to either help or sit the $#%@ down.  Hmmm…

So that is that.  I plan to take the laptop to LA with me and take tons of pictures…so I shall share my Thanksgiving, sunny California style with you while I’m gone, I promise!

 

*side note…why does “blog” and “blogging” come up under the spell check in a blog?  Things that make you go hmmmm….

People say the strangest things…

Yesterday a co-worker made a comment to me about my clothes and I’m not exactly sure what to make of it.  “You make me sick, you are so skinny.  I could never dress like you.”  Now, she is not a big girl.  In fact, (and especially) considering she has a 3 year old and an 18 month old, she is in very good shape…probably about a size 6, maybe a small 8…and she is tall.  So I said, “What are you talking about, look at you…” and before I could finish someone else chimed in with “you can dress like that.”  She responded, “No, I’m not a girly girl.  I can’t dress all cute like that.”  What does that mean??  I began defending myself without even thinking about it, saying I only dress like that for work, I’m not a girly girl either, at home it’s all jeans and t-shirts…blah, blah, blah.  That is true, to a point.  I try to look nice and professional at work, although I sometimes don’t, or completely miss the mark.  When I get home, it’s sweats time, and on the weekends it’s mostly jeans, although I do try to maintain an element of cuteness if I’m going somewhere…but 90% of the time it’s jeans. 

But why defend myself?  What is wrong with trying to look nice, especially at work?  I don’t go overboard.  No crazy make-up.  No perfect hair.  Not much in the way of accessories unless I’m feeling extra spunky in the morning (and have time to accessorize).  I don’t get it. 

So was it a jab or a compliment?  Hmm…

A couple weeks ago, my friend Y had a similar experience I was lucky enough to witness.  She has gone grey at an early age and dyes her hair.  It had been awhile since she had made it to the salon, so there was a little streakage showing at her roots, but whatever.  She’s a busy lady (5 kids, full time work, school, extra-curricular, oh yeah, and her hubby is in Iraq with Mr. W, so she’s doing it all!)  A co-worker who is known to be a little on the bitchy side (I’ve personally experienced this three times now) mentioned casually, “I wish I could be like you.  I could never let my hair go like that…” trailing off from there.  What does that mean?? 

In case you are wondering, my three negative experiences are these:

• Compliment on my shirt from her.  Statement that I got it from Target or Walmart (I don’t remember) from me.  “Oh, I don’t shop there…” in a smug tone from her.  ???
• Conversation with Mr. W: “You better not be dating ________.  She has too much baggage.”  from a woman recently split from her husband, on the prowl, and oh yeah, she has 3 boys…2 from the husband, and one from some other man who we know nothing about that she was never married to nor had any intention of marrying.  I’m not judging at all,  but seriously, who is she to say that I have too much baggage??
• Conversation with me about Mr. W after informing her that we were moving in together:  “I don’t know what happened with them.  I really like ______ (his ex).”  WTF???  I’m his girlfriend, and you want to tell me how much you liked his cheating, high-maintenance, selfish, hurtful, putting-Mr. W-through-some-serious-misery ex??? Seriously??!!

What are these people thinking?  Or a better question, are they thinking?  Are these twisted compliments?  Or are they twisted cut-downs in disguise?  I just don’t get it.

My poor baby boy

The boy has been acting strange lately.  I’m a little worried, but he has gone through so many phases and changes in his short (5 year) life, that I’m not too worried.  He does everything to get my attention, good or bad, but pushes me away when I try to give him attention.  He fights non-stop with his sister and says she’s not his friend, then cries (I mean actual tears) when it’s time for her to go to her dad’s.  He says one day he doesn’t want to go to his sitters anymore because “she is mean” and “she yells at [him],” then says the next day how much he wants to go to her house.  I’ve been wondering what was going on with him, chalking it up to growing pains and being 5, but then it occurred to me…Mr. W is gone.  Mr. W has been gone for a little over a month now and just before he left, they were starting to bond quite a bit.  The boy was comfortable with Mr. W and was acting himself around him, and then he left for Iraq.  Ah, ha!  With so many people in and out of the boy’s life, it’s no wonder he is pushing people away and acting the way he is.  He is trying to find his place in this ever-changing world and pushing his boundaries to make sure they are still there.  My poor baby boy!  I never really thought this would be so hard on him.  I figured he’s young, he doesn’t know what’s going on, and has no concept of time…but…the boy is smart.  I know all mothers say that about their kids, but really, he’s smart.  He gets things that I don’t expect him to get.  He remembers things I don’t expect him to remember, that I don’t even remember.  He puts things together that I don’t expect him to put together.  He’s smart.  So the change and the in and out of his dad, my second husband, and now Mr. W has stepped out for the time being at least.  It never occurred to me that this would be hard on him. 

So what am I going to do about it?  I haven’t a clue.  I will try to talk to him more, keep him in the loop so to speak, so he isn’t picking up bits and pieces and trying to put them together to make sense.  I will give him lots of love and attention, extra even.  i will talk about Mr. W a lot and get him involved in the packages and letters I send.  Other than that, I have no idea…hmmm…

Why did I leave him?…oh yeah, that’s it

I have a confession…I have horrible taste in men.  Of course, I am not at all referring to the one bright shining star in the darkness that has been my dating history.  As we all well know, Mr. W lives up to his name, and then some…Mr. Wonderful.  No, I am referring to the ex-men.  They never cease to amaze me while simultaneously horrifying me and my sense of sensibility as far as men and relationships are concerned.

I had the following conversation with my STBX, soon to be known as TASMCITISM (the absolutely small-minded caveman idiot that I stupidly married)…ok maybe that’s a little long, but I will think of something!

Him: So where do women get their breasts from?

Me: huh? what do you mean?

Him: Well, I know men get their receding hairlines from their mother’s side, so which side do breasts come from?

Me: I don’t know.  I got mine from my mom’s side, so maybe the mother.

Him: Well, if [the girl] gets hers from my side, she won’t have any problems.

Me: What does that mean?  I don’t have any problems?

Him: Well, if she has a nice rack (yes he actually used this terminology to speak about his 3 year old daughter) she will get a lot further in life.

Me: WHAT?  Seriously, you do realize this is your daughter you are talking about, right? 

Him: Well, it depends a little on what line of work she wants to go into, but it’s a proven fact, as a DA or prosecuting attorney, if she has a nice rack she will be favored with the judges.

Me: I can’t have this conversation with you.  And for the record, I’ve done just fine with my lesser endowments, thank you very much.

Seriously?  Seriously?! Seriously?!

He went on trying to convince me that the girl needed to have big breasts to succeed in life.  I tried to reason (forgetting who I was talking to) that I don’t like the idea of any woman, especially my daughter  being looked at and talked about that way.  He didn’t get it, thoroughly convinced and insisting that she must have big boobs to get by in life.  That is her only hope.  (She is beautiful, by the way, and slender…oh, and THREE YEARS OLD, PEOPLE!!)  Do I need further explanation on why I left this idiot?  (For those of you that think I do…don’t worry, I have a whole laundry list for you…)

Now, I’m not naive.  I know that looks still play a part in today’s society.  I know pretty girls can use it to their advantage to gain in the workplace, or in life in general.  I am decent looking, and I’ve heard it a million times, especially in the military.  I got promoted early because I’m a pretty girl.  I get recognized because I’m a pretty girl.  I got hired (outside the military) because I’m a pretty girl.  What about the other side?  I don’t get take seriously because I’m a pretty girl.  My experience and intelligence are ignored because I’m a pretty girl.  I have to fight harder to compensate mentally because I’m a pretty girl.  I don’t want to rest on my looks.  I downright refuse it.  I’m smart, I’m a hard worker, I’m a great problem solver.  Those are my selling points.  My looks should  have not a damn thing to do with it.  Should.

But all that is in today’s society.  A lot has changed in the workplace and in the relationship among people in general (we have a Black President Elect, for God’s sake!) let alone in the relationships (personal and in the workplace) between men and women.  My hope is that our world changes even more in the next 20 years, when my kids are growing into it and heading out on their own to be part of it.  Is that so wrong?  Is it wrong to hope for a better world and a better situation for your children?  Is it wrong to expect it?  If it is, then I’m wrong because I do hope for it.  I do expect it, dammit!  I expect that my kids will be able to be whatever they want in the world.  I expect that the  world will welcome them with open arms, whatever their lifestyle, appearance, quirks, or shortcomings.  I expectthat my son will not openly reap the benefit of being a “good-looking white male” and my daughter won’t depend on her looks, whatever they end up being.  I expect both my children will be respected and valued for their intelligence and work ethic. 

I have now realized I have a whole plethora of battles in my future.  I knew they were coming, but not in this form.  Both of the ex-men are “old-fashioned,” which I truly believe is a PC way of saying small-minded and ignorant in a caveman sort of way, but I digress.  They are both lazy and all about cutting corners and breaking rules “that aren’t really important” or are for “other people.”  (Come on, STBX is a cop for Pete’s sake!)  They will poison my children’s minds (not that they haven’t already tried, but I’ve managed to reverse most of the damage before it takes hold up till now) and I must be ready to battle to keep them safe.  I must be ready to combat the damage as it happens, before it takes hold, and ensure the best, happiest possible future for my babies. 

Battle on, Bitches!

Starbucks, Jedis, and healthy food…I’m so proud!

I am so proud of my son right now.  Well, I’m always proud of him.  He surprises me everyday with how intelligent and responsible he can be.  But right now, my pride is two fold.

First, his memory.  This morning on the way to Starbucks (at his insistence…so proud!) I pulled out a McDonald’s Star Wars bobble-head (from their recent Happy Meals) and was playing with it with him.  He was asking about bad guys and Jedis, so I explained he could tell the bad guys from the Jedis by the color of their light-sabers.  I told him the bad guys always had red light-sabers, where the Jedis had all different colors.  He looked confused and asked, “but what about the big guy.  I thought he was a bad guy?”  He was, of course, referring to General Grievous.  I explained that General Grievous has the different colors because he steals the lightsabers from Jedis (leaving out that he does this after he kills them).  This made sense to the boy.  Then it hit me.  “You remember General Grievous?”  “Yes mommy, he’s the big one with all the arms.  He’s really bad.”  Amazing!  The boy has only watched Star Wars maybe once or twice, per episode, in his life, and he remembers these details.  Simply amazing! 

And the second fold…it’s been going on for awhile now, but still takes me by surprise.  The boy likes, prefers  healthy food.  He drinks water about half the time.  He tells me he doesn’t need soda.  He eats very little candy.  He prefers chinese takeout or pizza to nuggets and fries any day.  (Way different than his father…so proud!!)  When he was a baby, I made his babyfood*.  He refused the jar stuff when I started that.  And for the past two nights, he totally surprised me, again.  Wednesday night, I was not in the mood to cook, so I attempted to pass of dinner as a salad.  I figured if he didn’t like it I could heat up some soup, or suppliment with a sandwich.  But he did!  I got one of those pre-packaged Ceasar Salads to start.  I then found some of that MorningStar fake meat chicken strip stuff in the freezer, so browned that in a pan.  I put the fake chicken on the greens, and added croutons and a little ranch dressing.  He devoured it!  He actually ate more of the fake chicken than he usually does with the real stuff.  Personally, I don’t like it all that much.  It’s the texture, I think.  But, if he is going to eat it like that, it may become a permanent staple in my freezer!

Last night, I wanted to try Pho.  I love it in the restaurant, and found a good recipe, so we stopped at the store and picked up my ingredients.  (For those not in the know, Pho is a Vietnamese soup dish with rice noodles, beef broth boiled with onions, garlic, a cinnimon stick and some star anise, lean thinly sliced steak, with a garnish of beansprouts, scallions, mint leaves, cilantro, and lime wedges.  You can add chiles too, but I left them out for the boy.)  He devoured that too!  He liked that he could kind of make his own.  The way Pho is served, you put the blanched rice noodles in the bowl, add the raw steak strips, and pour over the boiling broth, sans the chunks.  The broth cooks the noodles and the steak the rest of the way.  After, you add the garnishments as desired at the table and enjoy!  He loved it, surprisingly. 

The boy is starting his culinary life out right.  It’s great.  I can get the girl interested sometimes, but she much more cautious with anything that isn’t familiar.  She always rejected the home-made baby food in favor of the jar stuff, and with her father’s eating habits, she always prefers nuggets and fries to anything else.  Ah, well…a little more work, but maybe I can bring her over from the Dark Side eventually. 

 

*Home-made baby food*

With any vegitables (usually baby carrots or greenbeans or cauliflower) I would start out at the farmer’s market for the best quality and least possibility of anything “unnatural.”  I would boil the vegitables until I could just smush them with a fork, then drain and cool.  Then into the blender/food processer, adding water little by little until the desired consistancy (which changed from puree to a little chunky as he got older).  I would dish out a couple servings into those mini tupperware things that you get in a set, thinking you will never use them.  The rest went into ice cube trays to freeze.  Once frozen, I’d baggie them up, three at a time, which made one serving which could be defrosted and warmed in the microwave with a splash of water.  Great for giving to the sitter!

A favorite of the boy’s (and me, and even the girl) is my “rice mush.”  I would boil some chicken, usually the drummets, skimming the top every 10 mintues or so of that foamy stuff that gathers.  (That’s the fat and bad stuff)  After the chicken was cooked through, I’d add one cup of rice to every three cups of water (usually just the leftover chicken water was enough) and a handful of baby carrots (or any other equally sweet vegitable) letting it boil until the rice took the consistancy of mush, usually about 30 minutes.  (adding more water as needed to get the right consistancy).  I’d let it cool enough to touch, and pull all the chicken out, debone and replace the meat.  Then, as above, all in the blender/food processer, adding more water if needed, until the correct mushiness.  Same freezing and serving method applies.  The kids still love this.  It’s an adaptation of what my mom used to make me when I was sick as a kid.  It’s still great on cold afternoons for a hearty, comforting, warming lunch.  Mmmmm.