I should be doing something productive, like homework, or some random work related thing, but my brain has been so fried lately that I just can’t. I posted my first “words on paper” today. It didn’t take long to actually put it on paper, but getting the nerve to post it here was extremely difficult! I’m not sure why, as no one knows about this blog and no one reads this blog. This has become more of a diary of sorts for me to think out loud, in a way. Maybe one day someone will happen upon my little therapy sessions here, but until then–
So last night I had an interesting conversation with Mr. Wonderful about the differences between girl porn and guy porn. I explained (totally pulling it out of my ass, but it makes sense to me) that girl porn gives more of an overview of what is going on, whereas guy porn gives all those raunchy close ups. Not that girl porn doesn’t have it’s share of raunch, because quite frankly, I enjoy a little raunch just like the next guy (or girl), but it focuses on actual people, not just down-there body parts. ( ok, so I have a little issue with using the words for genitalia. I know it’s weird. I acknowledge, and move on. )
I thought back on this conversation today when I was in the shower, and getting ready for work, and later when I was in the bathroom “fixing” myself in the mirror, all the while noticing the details of me. I see the dark circles under my eyes, and the eyebrows that need plucking, and the growing zit where my face should be. I see my child-drained boobs, and the squishy tummy and thighs covered in shiny stretch marks, and the too scrawny legs where my body should be. It’s that way with anything I see, and I’m pretty sure it’s a female trait. We see details that make up people, places and things. We see the green blades of grass rather than the soccer field. We see the puffy clouds that look like Elvis rather than the partly-cloudy sky. We see the skinny girl with the almost-buck teeth rather than the beautiful supermodel. Men see the opposite. They see the field and the sky and the supermodel, and I’m willing to bet they see themselves in the mirror, not just the parts that make up themselves…that is, I suppose, unless they are seeing themselves make a porn. 
