Weenie kids

WARNING: very rant-y

While sitting in a presentation this morning about GPS and satellite equipment, a slide came up with a diagram of a board of sorts (I don’t know the actual name…One of those little green computer looking boards with all the silver bits and black squares stuck to it.)  Anyway, as the presentation wasn’t all that exciting, and quite frankly I only understood about 30% of what the guy was talking about, my mind wandered off to my childhood.  I must have been about 6 or 7 because I was living in England, but I distinctly remember my good friend, Pramesh, who is about a year and a half younger than me, showing me how to put things on one of those boards to make a light-bulb light up.  This only seems strange to me, as I am pretty sure we assembled the stuff with the conventional tools, you know…with a soldering iron.  And as I think about it now, my grandmother (Oma) in Colorado had the same “game” in the basement of her house that I used to play with…again, with a soldering iron.  Of course this is absolutely ludicrous by today’s standard.  Most couldn’t fathom their kids, at any age that they couldn’t also legally drive, and possibly vote, “playing” with a soldering iron.  But I’m alive and unscathed.  So the question to which I most certainly answer a resounding “yes” is: in today’s society, are we systematically coddling sheltering raising our children to be a bunch of weenies?

Think about it.  Most toys now are made of these big bulky soft plastic rounded parts that not only show no detail that can’t be painted on (with only approved and tested and retested paint materials) or stuck on with a sticker, but also are so far removed from what they actually represent that most of the time my kids don’t even recognize what it is supposed to be. 

On my desk at work sits a picture of my kids posing on their backyard play-set: a swing, complete with crotch-strap seatbelt, and a slide that only allows any child that can walk to slide about 3 inches before they get to the bottom.  How fun can that be??  No wonder they never play with it “correctly” and instead find ways to climb on it, jump off of it, or simply take it apart.  Even happy meal toys come with warning labels “for ages 3+.”  They do offer “younger” toys; HOWEVER, has anyone actually tried to get one of those “younger” toys?  Any parent knows standing in front of a counter waiting for something is not nearly as fun as sitting eating french fries, or playing in the playground, or climbing on the table and chairs nearby.  The wait for cashier to actually pay attention to you, then understand what you are asking for after you explain that the sign says there are “younger” toys than the one with the warning label, then goes to talk to her manager, then locates the actual bin with the “younger” toys in it, then gets back to you with a girl toy instead of a boy toy, then goes back to get the boy toy, and then brings it back to you for you to present to your under 3 year old, is about 30 seconds longer than the average attention span of a cow. Which coincidentally is exceedingly long.  Have you ever seen a cow concentrate on that grass they are chewing?  Such amazing creatures that can focus so clearly on something for so long.  It’s no wonder they are worshipped in other cultures. 

ANYWAY, any parent knows their child does not have an attention span near that of the cow (read cow and other meat parts) they are about to consume, so would naturally not want to take on this long drawn out task and would very irresponsibly give their less than 3 year old the horrible…dun, dun, dun….4 inch tall stuffed teddy bear.  The nerve! 

I mean seriously people.  While I totally agree that maybe the soldering iron wasn’t the best choice of toys when I was 7, and the lawn darts that are now outlawed weren’t the best choice when I was 5, do all of our children’s toys have to be corner-less soft plastic blobs devoid of all detail?   What happened to the good old days of learning how to use something properly so that you didn’t hurt yourself, rather than just not being exposed to it until you are so curious about said forbidden item that you sneak it and inevitably hurt yourself, causing a recall, news even, and possibly a anti-whatever protest outside the factory/store/country?  On top of that, they all, ALL force-feed teach some sort of lesson, be it moral, scholastic, or whatever.  When did every chance for fun turn into a mandatory lesson?  I know my alphabet, how to count, and all my colors, yet was not forced to choke down taught some lesson with every toy I picked up.  My mistake, I thought that is what parents are for. 

Maybe that is where the problem lies.  In our world today of way to much to do, multi-tasking, fast food, electronic babysitter having (did you know that they now make books that read themselves with the push of a button?) parents, there is no time for actual parenting.  Even those parents/mothers I admired from my “mommy fears” rant succumb to the childproofing and soft corner toys to supplement their day long parenting repitiour.  (I suppose that leaves time for all the “tricks” that they teach their child to perform at family functions and mommy-and-me classes to make other mothers feel like crap because their child doesn’t sit, fetch, roll-over, or say things on command…but that’s another subject all together!)

But I digress.  My sub-goal during this month’s daddy-visitation-period (see previous blog)  is to purge my kids’ toys with thoughts of my own childhood in the front of my mind.  No more cornerless, detailess blobs of soft plastic.  No more mandatory lessons at every corner.  No more electronic babysitters.  If I can’t be one of those super-moms that can do everything while still looking fabulous, I can at least teach my kids the alphabet personally(and take an occasional shower.)