Today wasn’t a great day. It was one of those days that it seems like the whole world is coming down all around me…I’ve been stressed. Stressed about my impending foreclosure on my beautiful house that my soon-to-be-ex husband refuses to pay anything towards, even though he can afford it and he knows I can’t with my salary, and two toddlers to take care of. (He’s living with his parents right now…lucky him). Now I’m actually considering bankruptcy, something that I was totally against, until now that is. Bankruptcy…foreclosure…bankruptcy…foreclosure…and as if that isn’t enough…
I’m stressed about the ever approaching deadline where I have to make a decision to sign my 4 year old son over to his father (my other actual Ex-husband) within his deal of 1. no child support, 2. as much visitation as I want…any weekends, the whole summer minus the week before school (my idea, to get him settled back in), 3. monetary assistance for travel (he lives in another state over 400 miles away) and 4. he pays for all legal fees associated with getting this official. Logically, this is a great deal, it would take a lot of stress off me, and my son (he travels those 400 miles every two weeks, for two weeks at the moment), it would free up some much needed money via childcare, airline tickets, and just general kid stuff for the battle that is fast approaching with my soon-to-be-ex husband. BUT…then there is the totally illogical, invaluable, incalculable, immeasurable love for my baby boy, and the huge amount of pain that I have just thinking about letting him go, not to mention the exponential version of that pain if I actually did. How do I quantify that into a logical equation. It’s not that I worry about him. My ex would take care of him. He acts like more of a big brother than a father, but his parents (oh yeah…he lives with his parents too) take fantastic care of my son, and his mother even quit her job just so she would be there for the two weeks the boy goes up to visit.
Then there is just the normal stuff…full time student in an accelerated internet college, single mom of two toddlers, 2 and 4, work in a high stress environment, trying to get further now that I have an actual career and not just a job, random health issues, acid reflux, migraines, insomnia (all coincidentally worsened with stress)…you know, all the normal stuff.
So there it is, a brief synopsis of my stress. Nice to get it all out. Now time to return to my homework, and laundry, and bathing the kids, and feeding the dog, and……
