ok…I don’t quit

I wrote a couple of really ugly posts last night, and erased them all opting with the simple “I quit.”   I really intended to quit, never to look back…  But I was just having a bad night.  Work got me pretty frustrated, irritated, discontented…etc…etc…-and then there was a whole thing with Mr. Wonderful that quite frankly left me unable to breathe ( in a bad way, not in the normal good way).  BUT, after some coerced conversation, and a whole hell of a lot of emotion spilling, I was left exhausted, but more importantly back in my peaceful place of sanctity, serenity, and amorousness.  So, as part of my efforts of ongoing therapy-by-blog, I do not quit.  I will continue to pour out my problems and thoughts and feelings into this small space in the world(-wide-web) in my constant endeavor for tranquility and mental health.

i quit

Bubble-world people

The way people act today simply baffles my mind.  It seems to me like most of the people walking around in the world today think they are in their own private “bubble-world” that no one else exists in, unless they are cordially invited.  It takes “self-centered” to a whole new level.

It is possible that I am a little crankier than normal today, as it was my day to fly up to Massachusetts to pick up the boy, and then drive the 2 1/2 hours back from the airport to pick up the girl, then drive home.  Always a bad day.  The only day that is worse (each and every month) is the day I have to do the drive to drop them off.  Anyway, as I am making my way to Massachusetts and back, the examples of sheer obliviousness astounded me.

Exhibit A:  I walked into an airport bathroom…you know, with the blind curve/corner entrance…and a lady was coming out at the same time.  Now, customarily, you walk on the right side of a two way path, right?  (she was not…maybe she was European?)   Besides that insignificant f aux pa, generally when faced with someone, literally face to face almost colliding, you pause, step back, maybe spit out some “excuse me” or “sorry” under your breath and move on, no harm no foul.  This was my reaction to the exit-er who was clearly on the wrong side of the entrance/exit.  She, on the other hand, just continued to walk, just about through and completely oblivious to me

Exhibit B: As soon as the boy and I got settled into our seats, he had to use the potty.  Of course.  Anyone with a toddler expects this sort of thing to happen.  Mind you, boarding is still going on, so I take him to the back of the plane to make it easy, he does his business, and we try to make our way back to our seats.  TRY, I say.  Now, if you saw someone, no coat, no bags, carrying a small child, moving opposite to the normal flow of traffic on an airplane, wouldn’t that stir something within you to maybe take an extra second to evaluate the situation?  It would me.  Apparently not the passengers of today’s flight.  They just kept on trucking.  As a matter of fact, I even had to get out of the way of a flight attendant who was merely browsing the aisle…no official flight attendant duties happening at that moment.  I thought one woman was actually going to walk right through the boy and I, as she was clearly looking right past us to one of the 50 empty seats behind me that were obviously going to disappear into thin air if she didn’t get her old ass in them ASAP.  I had to sweep up the boy before he was trampled, practically dive out of her way into one of the many empty seats she had already passed up, and tactfully, although probably a little loudly suggest that I wait here while she goes by as I only need to get to my seat which is coincidentally right behind her.

Exhibit C:  On both flights, up and back, the passengers apparently were not properly briefed on deplaning etiquette.  Generally when one is deplaning, one allows the rows to exit in order, front to back.  Exceptions to this rule do exist, but generally, one at the very least allows the row ahead of one the opportunity to exit, or wait, at their own discretion.  NOT TODAY!  Again, I had to dive elbows out into the aisle just to get off the damn plane!

Exhibit D:  And finally, on the bus to the parking garage.  I will give it up for the young man who gave up his seat to a young mother with an infant carrier.  Good on him.  That said, another young woman was all but dragged off the bus with some exiting passengers trying to fight their way off, WHILE entering passenger were simultaneously attempting to board.  1. she shouldn’t have been standing in the doorway in the first place.  2. the boarding passengers clearly had read some sign that said the bus would only stop for a total of 30 seconds before driving away, no matter what, so they felt their need to board far outweighed anyone else’s need to get off, or logic for that matter.  3. the exiting passengers must not have noticed the poor woman with bleach blond hair and a bright red coat clinging to the “please hold on” bars so as not to take the 3 foot fall from the bus to the cement on their way out.

To all you “bubble-world” people out there….WAKE THE FUCK UP AND LOOK AROUND YOU SOMETIME.  OTHER PEOPLE DO ACTUALLY EXIST AND ARE JUST AS (IF NOT MORE) IMPORTANT AS YOU.

Migraine daze

Today had all the promises of being a great day. Well at least a productive and fairly pleasant one. I did wake up at about 330am when my phone finally decided to notify me of a voice mail that I’d received about 330pm yesterday (damn technology), but I was able to fall blissfully back to sleep sans the regular insomnia, smiling even with the knowledge that I could sleep as late as my little body felt it needed to…–until about 930 when Mr. W called to tell me about his run, and remind me, oh so wonderfully, that I too was supposed to go running this morning. Not with him, as we don’t do that, but I was supposed to at least hit the treadmill at the gym. So much for sleeping in. But I forgive him, as he is almost always very wonderful besides. I took my time getting out of bed, with a little “dehydration” headache going on, or at least I thought. I took a shower, and promptly went downstairs and downed a glass of water before starting breakfast. Three glasses of water later, I face the chaos that is my house, and then it hits me…..MIGRAINE! Full on, ears ringing, eyes watering, can’t stand, can’t sit, nausea-inducing migraine. But there is so much to do!! I’d been ignoring all the signs all week: the lightheaded spells, the fatigue, the yawning, the little nagging tightness at the base of my neck. Wishful thinking I suppose. So I pop my drugs and wait, contemplating going upstairs to lay down, but end up stripping the bed instead to wash the sheets, and a quick glance out the window to the absolutely beautiful sunny day out reminds me: “stupid girl, bright sunshiny days hurt!” Another wave of nausea, and I think of laying down again. But the house, and my evening’s plans with Mr. W….V-day has been postponed to TODAY, thanks to an expected but truly unwelcome little red-headed visitor last week. I can fight through this, right? Coffee, let’s try coffee. Oh, the smells in my kitchen! I’d cleaned out the fridge this morning, and made tuna and eggs for breakfast (sounds weird but it’s absolutely delicious, I swear!) and now my kitchen is filled with random smells that just hurt! More nausea and a new stabbing over my left eye. Fuck the coffee, time to lay down. Sorry in advance for the mess you will have to witness this evening, Mr. W. I’m just glad you don’t understand. I wouldn’t wish a migraine on my worst enemy!

I don’t want to grow up

I’ve been staring at this blank “write post” page for days now, trying desperately to write.  Write something!  It’s not as if this is a test of my creativity, although I wish I could say I am being creative in some way in this blog of mine.  This is more of my babbling, but I can’t even come up with something to babble about.  This will probably be deleted before I even get to a point.  I feel as if all my knowledge and creativity have fallen from their lofty perches in my mind to their untimely, and probably quite messy deaths at my feet.  I have become an adult.  Just another adult going through the motions of life.  Going to work, coming home, making dinner, tending the kids, going to bed, just to start the whole monotonous cycle all over until day by day, week by week, month by month, and year by year time passes by and I haven’t accomplished anything of any great importance.  I am stuck in the rotating door.  Soon my kids will grow up, move on, and move out, and my days and years will drone on until retirement and ultimately death.  How depressing is that!?  I feel the need to accomplish something.  It doesn’t have to be a great accomplishment.  It doesn’t have to be meaningful to the world, just meaningful to me.  Some semi-impressive thing that I can fall back on and say, well, at least I did _____.  But as I plod along each day, the last bits of my creativity and drive drip out of my ear and are left as a smudge on the carpet soon to be vacuumed up in some random cleaning frenzy.  Ah, me. What am I to do?  Go to bed and dream of a life less ordinary I suppose, but only to wake up with disappointment to my regular grind tomorrow.  Ah, the joys of reaching adult-hood.  Now I get the Toys-r-us song. But I fear that it’s too late.